Those Tasty Little Monkeys

Every summer, Aunt Emily heads off to Connecticut to work at the Hole in the Wall Gang camp. The kids know she goes to camp every summer, but I don't think I've ever explained exactly what camp is.  One day this summer I asked the kids to draw a picture of what they thought Emmy was doing at camp.  This is Amelia's drawing.

She said, "Emily and the babies are chasing and eating monkeys."

Um, yeah.

Kid Quotes

From the mouths of my childrens...

Amelia: "Pretty please with a chair on top."

Jammin' in the car with the kids and Jameson wants to know, "why are they getting so excited about a sample in a jar?"

J, T & A were playing "farm." At one point I heard them cooking up "chickens and cats" for breakfast. 

Amelia thinks James Taylor is singing, "...and rock-a-bye sweet daddy James." Nope. Heart didn't just melt a little there.

Jameson (listening to NPR): "They're STILL fighting Gaddafi?!?!"

Kid Quotes

More stuff the kids say...

Truman: "Help me put my clothes on inside-in!"

For a few weeks Jameson was asking to rent Despicable Me. He mentioned it so many times that when we finally got it, Amelia was convinced the movie was called Despicable Jameson.

Me: "I'm leaving. I'm tired of taking care of you kids."
Amelia: "No, Daddy. You can't leab us alone."
Me: "Why not?
"
Amelia: "'Cause we'll make the bath too hot."

Amelia: "Dad, your belly is really pushy."

Jameson in a nutshell at dinner tonight: "I'm thankful for the GREATNESS OF THE WHOLE WORLD!"

Kid Quotes

My kids never shut up. Ever. They even talk in their sleep. They talk so much that every now and then they say something that I think is noteworthy, funny or strange (or all of the above). I love their little quirks and comments, so I try to capture some it with Facebook updates via my phone throughout the day. Here is a sample of what I've been collecting.

 Jameson: "I'm hungry all the time because I'm going through a growth spurg."

Observing Darwin's Hulk toothbrush...


Truman: "He's big."

"And he's strong."

"And he has broken pants."

Amelia: "Next week I'm going to be a boy.
Me: "No, you can't be a boy."
Amelia: "When I'm five?"

Truman: "I can smell things.

"
James: "Oh yeah? Like what?

"
Truman: "I can smell you."
James: "What do I smell like?

"
Truman: "Hotdogs."

Me: "Psst, Truman. Are you still awake?"
T: "No."
Me: "Oh. Are you asleep?"
T: "Yes."

Kid Quotes

My kids never shut up. Ever. They even talk in their sleep. They talk so much that every now and then they say something that I think is noteworthy, funny or strange (or all of the above). I love their little quirks and comments, so I try to capture some it with Facebook updates via my phone throughout the day. Here is a sample of what I've been collecting.

Me: "How was camp, Jameson?"

J: "Great!"

Me: "Did you make any friends?
"
J: "Dad, I'm not doing this for the friendship. I'm doing it for the adventure."

The kids are playing house. Truman informs me that he is the momma, so "he can't find his keys."

Truman and Amelia are playing hide-and-go-seek. When Amelia finds him, Truman jumps up and says "Good job, Amelia!" Then he gives her a big hug and pat on the back.

Jameson's polite dinner conversation with Mom...


J: "So how many mazes did you do in your paperwork today?"
Mom: 

"None, honey."
J: 

"Oh, well how many pages did you color, then?"

At my mom's house Amelia decided to watch a VHS movie on the VCR (a device we don't have at our house). Before inserting the tape she polished the outside of it on the front of her shirt.

I Don't Remember the Lyrics That Way...

Amelia's favorite song in the whole world is Beat It by Michael Jackson. This is an audio clip of her singing it. Not surprisingly (since it's Amelia) this is NSFW.

Jameson Explains

Jameson at breakfast this morning:

"Amelia, do you know that egg you're eating used to be a baby chicken? But you have to stick it under its momma's butt to make it come alive."

I didn't disagree.

High Stakes in the Jungle

Jameson likes to draw. I like to watch him draw. It's a great way to witness how his five year old mind works. A blank canvas and a crayon = a completely unencumbered way to express oneself.

This morning he was sitting at the kitchen table ready to make a picture. He was narrating the process to me (as he often does), which is an added bonus to me.

"I don't know what to draw."

"I think I'll make a rainbow."

"Like my rainbow?"

"I'm going to make a jackpot at the end of my rainbow."

"See the jackpot?"

"Now I need to draw some leopards to guard the jackpot."

You Recording This?

Unfortunately, I just missed recording Amelia's rendition of Hang On, Sloopy.

It's too bad because right now you too could have been listening to her belt out, "Haaaang on, Stupid! Stupid, hang on!"

Terror Alert

One of Jameson's absolute favorite imagination games to play is "secret agent." At any given moment, Agent J will be running around fully immersed in an imaginary world of covert operations, high tech spy gear and a never ending army of "bad guys."

Tonight Jameson was playing out one of these elaborate scenarios. We had just finished Christmas Eve dinner with a big group of family and friends, many of whom were not fully aware of Jameson's vivid imagination. We were enjoying dessert and wine when Agent J burst into the room with an important announcement.

"Everyone watch out! I dropped a bomb in the bathroom!"

To Jameson

Dear Jameson,

Your mom and I met with your preschool teacher this evening to discuss your school year thus far.  She said if she had to use one word to describe having you in her class, it would be "delightful."  We were not at all surprised to hear this.  You are a very considerate and smart young man.  Your teacher also went on to say that you sometimes talk a little more than you should but you always raise your hand before speaking.  This is understandable.  We know you have many, many ideas running through your head and there are only so many hours in the day to give voice to those ideas.  She also mentioned that you are very good at following instructions.  Sometimes too good.  She said you tend to run out of time on your projects as you are so intent on doing things just right.  I'm sorry to say that this will probably never change as your father has suffered with this same challenge his entire life.  You can't rush perfection.  Finally, your teacher said that she loved having you in her class and she is always amazed how you sound like a "little gentleman" with what you say and how you say it.

Tonight was not the first time we've been told how delightful you are.  In fact, everyone we meet at your school has something truly nice to say about you.  Mom and I are very, very proud of the "little gentleman" you are becoming.

Love,

Mom and Dad

PS - Your teacher is well aware that corn is actually a grain, but for the sake of getting through your class discussion she was simply calling it a vegetable because that is how most people refer to it.

Point! Truman!

This very morning...

Truman: "Can I hab a cupcake?"

Me: "No."

Truman: "Tlease! I want a cupcake!"

Me: "No. You can't have a cupcake for breakfast."

Truman: "Tleeeeeease!"

Me:  "No. No cupcakes for breakfast."

Truman: "WHY NOT?!"

Me: "They're not good for your body."

Truman:  "BUT THEY'RE GOOD FOR MY MOUTH!"

Keep that No. 2 Pencil Away from Me

While watching Jameson work on a book of connect-the-dots puzzles, Truman asked me if he could have his own "poke-a-nuts" book.

Oh Yeah? Well Your Breath Smells Like Cheerios

My sweet little Amelia.

All tuckered out after a day at the park, the kids were all sitting peacefully in their car seats as we drove home. I couldn't help but admire them in the rearview mirror as the sun began to set on another amazing day. They all looked so content as we pulled into the driveway at home. As I got out of the car and headed to Amelia's door, I couldn't help but think about how lucky I am to be the father of these beautiful children. When I opened her door her eyes locked onto me with a look that was nothing short of adoration. I smiled at her as I reached over to pull her out of her seat. She smiled back.

And then she grabbed a hunk of my neck fat and whispered, "Heyyyyy, chubby, chubby, chubby."

God I love this girl.

Inglourious Childrens

The latest 'round here:

• Today the boys were playing with Legos. Which they turned into guns. Naturally. Amelia joined in. Naturally. They chased each other all over the house, each making their own unique "pew pew" sounds.
  
  I got the strange feeling that I was watching a scene from a Tarantino film when I realized Amelia was mowing people down with her Lego Glock... all while clutching her blanket wrapped baby doll. She's a great multitasker.



• When Jameson serves a meal, he says, "Dig up!" And when leaping from high places he says, "Jumpronimo!"



• You know those hopping marsupials found throughout Australia? Truman insists they're called "bangaroos."



• Mr. Darwin is huge. And he officially thinks he's one of the big kids now. He's almost got the crawling thing down, but it's tough with all that weight. OK, maybe he's not crawling. It's more... lunging and faceplanting. Repeatedly. But it gets him where he wants to go.



• Independent Woman. That's Amelia's official title. She potty trained herself last week. Literally. Julie and I hadn't even begun the potty training process yet so Amelia took it upon herself. One day she just decided she would only use the toilet for doing her business. She walked in. Took her pants and diaper off. Tinkled. Wiped. Got dressed. Washed her hands. It's unbelievable. If only everything was this easy.



• Amelia pretty much refuses help for anything. In the mornings she wakes up, climbs out of her crib and then announces to everyone (with her hands up in the air), "Maya awake!" She then proceeds to go to the bathroom, brush her teeth, pick out her clothes and then dress herself. Sometimes I think she's an adult trapped in a two year old's body.



• Speaking of Independent Woman, Amelia has also stopped calling me dad, dadda or daddy. She now addresses me only as James. And it's usually along the lines of "James, leave me alone," or "James, stay right there," or "James, I do it."



• Deep down, Amelia is still very much Daddy's little girl.



• We are slowly inching our way towards having our own home again. We've closed on our construction loan and are having our pre-construction meeting with the builder next week. We're loving the house plans, but it seems so, so, so far away at this point...



• Darwin is about to get kicked out of our bed. We've let all of our children co-sleep with us as long as it was practical. Darwin has reached the unpractical stage. He stretches out all over, hogs the blankets and likes to wake us up with early morning eye gouges. And he always forgets to turn off the TV when he's done watching Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. Sorry, buddy, but it's time to go.



• If we weren't busy enough with the four year old, the twin two year olds, the nine month old, the living with the in-laws, the building a new house, the starting school this year, and whatever else... Julie and I are also working on starting a new business. 'Cause that's how we roll.



• My dentist has "found Jesus" and I have a cavity. Not sure if those facts are somehow related. Maybe it just means I have holey teeth! (Thank you. I'll be here all week. Be sure to tip your waitress.)

Dr. Jameson

I'm listening to Jameson pretending to be an eye doctor and examining his patient, Darwin...

The first thing he did was show Darwin his license and explain, "I'm Dr. Jameson, 'Professional Eye Doctor. Makes All Eyes Feel Better.' I went to eye doctor school."

Post examination, he had some bad news for Darwin: "I'm going to give you some medicine that will make your eyes better. BUT... it tastes like worms and bugs."

Spanglish Spoken Here

Amelia getting her hair brushed: "Maya getting guapa."
Explanation: Amelia's nickname is Maya. Guapa is spanish for good looking.

Truman announcing his preference for breakfast: "Dona-nut!"
Explanation: Truman likes donuts. The spanish word for donut is dona. Hence, dona-nut.

Dash Away All, Continued

Jameson's stable of Santa's reindeer continues to grow. I'm pleased to introduce Conner and Jupiter joining Mancer and Cancer on the sleigh team.

"Jupiter" has me completely stumped.

Dash Away All

I recently overheard Jameson acting out Santa's epic Christmas Eve journey, complete with eight tiny reindeer. I was not previously aware that Santa's sleigh team included "Mancer" and "Cancer."

Why Thank You...

Actual conversation:

Me: "Hey, what's up, buddy?"
Jameson: "I brought you a gummy." [gummy = fruit snack]
Me: "Thanks, that was nice of you."
Jameson: "Wait. Let me get all the hairs off of it."

It was delicious.