Out of Shape Mudder

Almost five years ago I was fit enough to complete a half marathon. Since then I've become a complete exercise slacker. A fat ass. Five years ago was also when Julie was pregnant with babies number 2 and 3. Ever since then, I've been conveniently using the birth of new babies as the excuse for my slovenly ways.

But no more. Julie and I have decidedly exited the baby making business and have committed to 2012 being our year of fruitless sex. I mean our year of getting fit. (And I meant "fruitless" in the best way possible, honey.) I'm so committed to it that I've even added a page to my blog dedicated to my ambitious fitness goals. I have a long way to go, but I've already made some progress. So far I've lost five pounds and quadrupled my pull up capacity (granted I went from 1 to 4). Now I want to start hitting the running aspect, too. I'm registered to run the USAF half marathon after my five year absence and between now and then I'm also going to tackle a Tough Mudder event.

I thought about posting some topless "before" photos to help document my progress, but Julie hates it when I pose for photos in my cutoff jean shorts.

(If you're also one of those running types and use Nike+, you can find me there as FallofJames.)

Old Man

I am now 35 years old.

I weigh 185 pounds.

I cannot run 5 miles without stopping.

I can eat a Big Mac in 6 bites.

I cannot do 20 push-ups.

I can take a nap any time, any place.

I cannot carry my kids up to bed without panting.

I can collect ludicrous amounts of lint in my bellybutton.

That all changes this year.

Except the nap part. I love naps.

Oh, and it will all be made more dramatic by taking ostentatious self portraits.

Oh Yeah? Well Your Breath Smells Like Cheerios

My sweet little Amelia.

All tuckered out after a day at the park, the kids were all sitting peacefully in their car seats as we drove home. I couldn't help but admire them in the rearview mirror as the sun began to set on another amazing day. They all looked so content as we pulled into the driveway at home. As I got out of the car and headed to Amelia's door, I couldn't help but think about how lucky I am to be the father of these beautiful children. When I opened her door her eyes locked onto me with a look that was nothing short of adoration. I smiled at her as I reached over to pull her out of her seat. She smiled back.

And then she grabbed a hunk of my neck fat and whispered, "Heyyyyy, chubby, chubby, chubby."

God I love this girl.

Guess Who's Going to Start Running Again?

Amelia pointed at my gut this morning and said, "Bayyyy-beeeeeee."

See ya at the gym.

Tomfoolery

It's that time of year again. The holiday decorations are going up. Friends and family travel from afar to come together and celebrate the many things for which we are thankful. Great feasts will be shared. Wine will be enjoyed. Laughter will fill our homes as the stories of old are brought to life once again.

And fat old men will pretend to be nineteen again.

I don't know if it's part of the man code everywhere, but around these parts Thanksgiving weekend is synonymous with the gathering of athletic has-beens intent on reliving those glory days of when we were able to chase down Hail Mary touchdown passes or run full court five-on-five without hacking up a lung or crumpling to the ground in pain. Those so called glory days are long gone, but, as we do every year, we will gather for some sort of athletic competition that not a one of our doctor's would consider "safe."

This year it looks like it's going to be basketball. The good Dr. Seitz has secured a gym for us and the plans are already taking shape. I fully expect this year's session to last a solid three hours and border on torture. But, despite the risk of ermergency room visits, the usual suspects are once again being drawn like moths to the flame. Cuban Pete gets the ball rolling and the rest of the committed (or should be committed) start filing in. Schwendy will most definitely be there. Mrs. Mighty Deez has already given me her blessing so I'm in. Kuntz will act like he's dragging himself there, but then his balling skills will magically resurface in the gym. Hopefully Nelly isn't too busy and will make it. Wa-Wa never says no (though he's always a risk to get lost on his way to the gym). Maybe the younger, handsomer Belle, perhaps? A few surprise guests? We'll see. But all in all I'm sure we'll have enough to run a full court five-on-five game with few breaks and fewer substitutions. We'll play beyond any reasonable amount of time, run a year slower on defense, fall ten pounds harder and generally disgrace the game of basketball. It will be worth it, though. And one thing is for certain... the revolution will not be televised.

Now if I can just find my basketball shoes.

How Could I Forget?

I'm usually behind the camera, but today I had to have my picture taken.

And I'm again reminded of my fatness. Unfortunately, I'm not a hibernating animal with an excuse to beef up for the winter.

Time to get back on track.

My Wife is a Lethal Weapon

Julie just tested for her Senior Green Belt last night at Master Chung's Tae Kwon Do Academy. I must say, she was quite impressive. Julie took up Tae Kwon Do shortly before becoming pregnant with the twins. Unfortunately, that put her training on hold for awhile, but I'm proud of how quickly she got back into it and how well she's stuck with it despite our very hectic lives. Since starting with Master Chung, she's planned on becoming a black belt and I'm certain she will eventually reach her goal. Hopefully she doesn't kick my butt too much along the way.

Run, James, Run!

As some of you may know, I ran my first half marathon last September. As many of you know, we had twins a month later. That race in September was pretty much the last real physical activity I did. Nearly eight months I've been dormant. And it shows. It shows in my energy level, in my eating habits, in my mood and certainly in my waistline. It's got to stop, because right now I'm on my way to getting my own Discovery Health Channel miniseries. And there's no time like the present, especially since Julie is due to get pregnant again any day now.

So, my loyal readership, you're hearing it here first. I'm lacing up the running shoes once again. At the very least I'm going to run the U.S. Air Force Half Marathon again and beat my previous time by at least 13 minutes.

Want to join me? It's September 20th in Dayton, Ohio at Wright Patterson Air Force Base. Not the half marathon type? You also have your choice of marathon, 10k or 5k. There's even a team event. You know, they say it's easier to achieve goals together. Or misery loves company. Or whatever.

In the meantime, I'll be sure to keep you posted on my agonizing progress and hopefully I'll be able to convey to you my complete disdain for running. Peace out.

I Used to Be Thin

My wife and I used to be thin. And she's decided to remind us (and everyone else) here.

I've got to go work out...

Training for Twins

The twins could come any day now. I've increased the intensity of my workouts in preparation for their arrival. Luckily for you I've also recorded my workouts so you can learn from my efforts. Sometimes, the only way to prepare for the challenges in life is to kick exploding rocks. (BTW, this particular workout is equally useful for attracting lazy eyed blonde chicks.)

Done.

Well, it didn't go exactly how I imagined it, but I finished my half marathon and I met my goal of 2:30:00. My official time was 2:26:14. Let me tell you... physically, the hardest thing I have EVER done. The last three miles were excruciating but I felt an extreme sense of satisfaction when I finally crossed the finish line. Every bone, muscle and tendon in my legs ached but it was worth it.

Mile 1: Just moving along with the pack as everyone spaces out and finds their spot.

Mile 2: All uphill and not at all what I expected.

Mile 3: Feeling pretty good and starting to get into a groove.

Mile 4: Encouraged by how easy things are going... until the end of this mile.  Then I get hit with the worst abdominal cramp I've ever had.

Mile 5: Unable to shake the cramp, I walk the whole mile. That doesn't work so I stop and rest for at least a minute and a half. I start panicking a little, wondering if I'll even be able to finish.

Mile 6: The cramp subsides enough that I can start jogging.  By this point I've been passed by the 2:30 and 2:40 pace groups. I'm way, way behind where I wanted to be.

Miles 7-9: A constant battle of running fast enough to make up ground and jogging or walking slow enough to keep the cramp at bay.

Mile 10: I've run fast enough to catch up to where I should be to meet my goal time but the feet are starting to hurt a little.

Mile 11: The feet and legs are really starting to hurt but I'm encouraged that I only have two miles left. The music on my iPod is a big help in keeping my mind off of the pain. (Here's the playlist.)

Mile 12: Every stride is extremely painful from my toes to my hips.

Mile 13: This is it. I've sworn that I'm not going to walk any part of the final mile. My legs are begging me to stop but I'm too close at this point. I just keep running, one foot in front of the other. Of course, a strong head wind is making this one of the most difficult miles on the whole course. The finish line seems so far away but I keep pushing myself because I know it's almost over. With each step I take I wonder if I'll be able to make the next one. Finally I cross the line with nothing left to give.

I can still hardly believe I actually ran 13.1 miles.  And I have no idea how people run full marathons. They're insane. Like my 60 year old father who ran the full marathon this same morning. Insane.

Given how poorly the middle of this race went and yet I still met my goal, I've already got my sights on my next half marathon. I know I can do much, much better, so I've got to try again.

It's the Geist Half Marathon in Indianapolis next May.  Anyone want to join me???

Yes, there are some other half marathons coming up between now and then, but I think I'm going to have my hands full as it is...

It's Here

Only 9 hours until race time. I'm shooting for two and a half hours. I'll try to post again tomorrow and let you know how it goes. Wish me luck. Goodnight.

It's Been Hectic

It's been awhile since the last blog, but with good reason. The pregnancy, the house, the race, the two year old and life in general have kept me extremely busy. Things really got thrown out of whack a couple weeks ago when Julie had to go the hospital because of labor pains. We hadn't even hit the 24-week mark, so it was way, way, way too early for these twins to be arriving. After a night in the hospital, lots of tests and a fair amount of worrying, Julie was dismissed with little more than advice to take it easy. As stressful as it was, I cannot complain one bit about the outcome. Thank God the babies didn't come that day. The good news now is we're now approaching 26 weeks and while less than ideal, early labor would have much different implications than it did the day we went to the hospital. We're not in the clear yet (Julie's being tested for gestational diabetes tomorrow), but I'm growing more and more confident that she's going to make it to at least 37 weeks (full term). It's stressful, but each week seems like another milestone.

On the house front, we've been on the market for over a month and a total of two people have seen our house.  I'd say there's a 5% chance we're moving this year and I'd put the over/under date somewhere in March of 2008.  I'm looking forward to moving, but I can't complain. We've got a nice roof over our heads as is.

The big issue this week is the half-marathon.  My training got derailed during the baby chaos mentioned above.  My race is this Saturday (13.1 miles), but until this past Sunday, I hadn't run in two and a half weeks.  The good news is that I was able to go just over 8 miles Sunday morning pretty comfortably.  The bad news is that 5 miles short of what I've got to do this weekend.  I took Monday and Tuesday off this week and I hope to do some easy running Wednesday and Thursday as my final prep.  If I can complete the race in under 2.5 hours (my original goal) I will be extremely satisfied.  If I just finish the race, I will still consider it a success.  Wish me luck.

On top of all this, Jameson is the real focus right now.  Since Mom has had to make some lifestyle changes to take care of herself and the twins, it's changed my role with Jameson. The two of us have spent more time than usual together lately and it's been great.  We had to cancel our Labor Day camping plans in the interest of Julie and the twins, but we did get a chance to go up to the campground for a day. To say Jameson and I had an awesome time would be an understatement.  I was having such a great time that I was truly upset to go home that night. Jameson loved it.  We played football, hide-and-seek, tried out our new bike trailer, collected sticks, cooked out, watched a talent show and generally got the most out of our one day at the campground. And after watching all the trouble that the "big boys" could get into, Jameson still hasn't quit talking about Ky-0h (Kyle) and Tent (Trent).  Here are all the pictures from camping.

In the eternity since my last blog the pictures have been building up. Enjoy!

Jameson loves dem suckers.

Quality father-son time catching a movie.  99.9% chance it was "The Incredibles."

Just a couple pictures from the backyard.  Every time we go outside, Jameson begs me to cut the grass.  Once a week is more than enough for me.

This had to be Jameson's favorite part of the day at the campground -- playing catch with dad and cousins Travis and Kyle.

Hide-and-seek isn't Jameson's strong suit since he wants to jump out of his hiding place laughing as soon as he knows you're looking nearby.

Some swing time with Aunt Emmie.

How could he not want to play with the "big boys." I literally had to hold him back.

These bike trailers might possibly be the greatest invention in the history of ever.

And this is just a picture of my wife's latest night stand read. Should I be worried???

Get in Shape

If you're looking start exercising and want a good place to start, I recommend the Runner's World website.  They offer all the education, motivation and exercise plans you could ever need.  Not to mention, they have one of the slickest training programs I've ever seen.  Check out the links in my training section on the right.

Trivia

The worst time to decide your bathroom needs to be painted a different color?

a) When you have sick two year old running around who would throw a tantrum even if you just told him he could eat candy for every meal for the rest of his life.

b) When you have a wife 5 months pregnant with twins and unable to be around paint fumes.

c) The night before you're first home showing since you put your house on the market.

d) All of the above.

What a night.  And morning.  I finished painting around 4:00 a.m.  Jameson was up and at 'em three and a half hours later.  Uggh.  More on the get-the-house-ready-for-the-one-prospective-buyer-who-shows-up-at-your-open-house projects later...

FYI for you potential house painters out there:  Contrary to popular belief, your hand does not get steadier the later it gets and the more Pepsi you drink.

The good news is, I somehow didn't cop out on my half-marathon training and ran 6 miles this evening in 68 minutes.  Not only is that the longest distance I've every run, my goal time was 72 minutes!

Lots of pictures to post tomorrow, but for now, here's one of my wife Julie (left), 5 months pregnant and my sister, Amanda, 9 months pregnant.  My poor, round wife.  Only 4 months to go...

Catch Up

Time for an update on the babies, the house and the half-marathon.

Babies:

Julie seems to be doing well as long as she's getting enough sleep.  That, of course, tends to be easier said than done.  Everything looked good at her last doctor's appointment and we have another ultrasound scheduled in two weeks.  I'm really looking forward to that visit.  I can't wait to see how much they've grown since week 15.  Having twins adds a new level of stress to the pregnancy, but I do enjoy getting to see them at our required monthly ultrasounds.  We're already past the halfway mark -- I can't believe how fast it is going.

FYI - There's been another lead paint recall.  This one affects several brands from Mattel.  Click here for the affected products.

House:

Nothing to report, yet, on the new house.  We did meet with the designer to pick out things like carpet and cabinets but right now it's still just a lot.

Unfortunately, there's also no news to report on the current house either.  Two and a half weeks on the market and not a single nibble.  We've got an open house on Sunday.  I'll be happy to have even one person see the house.  Maybe I can convince my cousin Chandra to buy our house.

Training:

It has it's ups and downs.  The farthest I've run so far is only 5 miles (just over a third of the distance for which I'm training).  It's gone surprisingly well -- I've already dropped a few pounds and I feel pretty good after most runs.  Unfortunately, I've caught the bug that Jameson had (see the whole story here).  This lead me to take today off when I should have been running 6 miles.  Hopefully I can make it up tomorrow on my scheduled off day.

Every night after I give Jameson a bath, I read a few stories to him before bedtime.  Recently he was kind enough to return the favor.  Interestingly, the only word in this story, repeated over and over on every page, was "orack" (Lorax).  AND I usually read three different books to Jameson each night whereas I had the same book read to me three times in a row.  I think I got ripped off.

Running Is Hard

As part of my half-marathon training I ran five miles today.  I've never run that far in my life.  OK, so I did slow down to a quick walk a couple of times, but I finished in 56 minutes which was my goal.  I ran on a treadmill, which is excruciatingly boring.  With nothing to look at but a 17 inch TV that was 25 feet away, it was quite easy to focus on just how much my legs were hurting.  I'm supposed to run eight miles on Saturday, so I need to find an outdoor place to run.  I can't believe how much harder it is to run, now compared to when I was 20.  The 25 extra pounds I'm carrying these days is very apparent with each stride.  My knees hurt so bad I have to take a couple Motrin before bed after every run.  As much as I hurt and as boring as an hour of running in place was, I did feel a great deal of satisfaction at the end.  And at least I know my training is going better than this guy's.

Let's hope I can make it to eight miles on Saturday.