Too Perfect to Suffer

This is little Eliana in her hip braces. She was diagnosed a few weeks ago with partial hip dysplasia. It's not uncommon with breech babies, as Eliana famously was. A routine screening showed that she has a relatively mild case and the prescribed course of action is this harness. The success rate with this treatment is quite high. Many babies resolve the condition without intervention, but left untreated there can be serious hip complications throughout a person's life. It can lead to early onset arthritis and even require hip replacement surgery.

Eliana's case is considered mild and it basically means that the hip socket isn't fully formed around the ball at the top of her femur. As a result, her femur can move around in the hip socket (though her hips don't fully dislocate). Wearing the brace keeps her legs pulled up and out and should stress the hips enough to cause more bone to grow around the femur, ultimately alleviating the condition. She is required to wear the brace 24 hours a day, but hopefully she'll be out of it in a month or two.

When they put her in the brace for the first time, knowing she had to wear it at all times, my heart wrenched. She was only a couple of weeks old and it was hard to accept that her precious new life need consist of anything more than nursing, napping and being loved to death by her family.

But then it made me thankful, too. A few velcro leg straps is nothing compared to the challenges that other two week olds often face. I cannot comprehend what a more serious condition does to the hearts of the parents of those children. It must take all their strength just to keep breathing.

Halloween Help

Does anyone know of any face paints that are particularly safe for kids?  I've heard that most Halloween face paints have pretty nasty things in them.

Lovely Day...

...for a Guinness.

The More You Know

Hey, kiddos! It's time for Learning with James!

Today's topic: the wonderful world of cervical dilation*

This is a sexual education class that will cover many mature topics. If you have not turned in your permission slip signed by a parent or guardian, you may not participate in today's discussion. Please leave immediately. You are free to explore any other blog until lunch when you may rejoin your fellow students in the cafeteria.

Now for the rest of you - let's start talking about the cervix!

Madam Cervix lives in the lower, narrow portion of the Uterine Dormitory (i.e. "The U") just past where Miss Vagina hangs out. Madam Cervix is a tough broad that acts like a bit of gatekeeper to The U. Most days of the month she does her best to keep any undesirables (namely the boys from Sperm State) from gaining access to the unsuspecting girls that take up residence in The U. Occasionally though, she lets down her guard (usually after a few glasses of red wine -- she's a bit of a lush) and some unsavory gentlemen sneak past her. Often times, this leads to a sudden increase in church attendance, an uncomfortable conversation with someone's father and/or a wedding involving a smoothbore gun for firing small shot at short range.

Now let's get a little more technical about cervical dilation.

In the later stages of pregnancy, the cervix may already have opened up to 1-3 cm (or more in rarer circumstances), but during labor, repeated uterine contractions lead to further widening of the cervix to about 6 centimeters. From that point, pressure from the presenting part (head in vertex births or bottom in breech births), along with uterine contractions, will dilate the cervix to 10 centimeters, which is "complete." Cervical dilation is accompanied by effacement, the thinning of the cervix.

General guidelines for cervical dilation:
*Latent phase: 0-3 centimeters
*Active Labor: 4-7 centimeters
*Transition: 8-10 centimeters
*Complete: 10 centimeters - Delivery of the infant takes place shortly after this stage is reached (although the mother does not always push right away).

Symptoms
During pregnancy, the os (opening) of the cervix is blocked by a thick plug of mucus to prevent bacteria from entering the uterus. During dilation, this plug is loosened. It may come out as one piece, or as thick mucus discharge from the vagina. When this occurs, it is an indication that the cervix is beginning to dilate, although not all women will notice this mucus plug being released.

Bloody show is another indication that the cervix is dilating. Bloody show usually comes along with the mucus plug, and may continue throughout labor, making the mucus tinged pink, red or brown.

The pain experienced during dilation is similar to that of menstruation (although markedly more intense). Most of the pain during labor is caused by the uterus contracting to dilate the cervix.

Got all that? The cervix is going to open up and thin out so this baby can be born. In other words, it's like hand-tossed pizza dough with a hole in the middle of it. As it keeps getting tossed in the air, the dough is going to thin out and the hole is going to get bigger and bigger, until, Mama Mia! Eetsa baby!

So where does Julie stand right now? One centimeter at last Thursday's doctor visit. Lots of painful contractions and cramping the last couple of days. No sign of any bloody mucus plugs.



*Cervical dilation information courtesy of Wikipedia and my wife's thoroughly familiar doctor. Bad pizza dough analogy -- all me.

Say It Ain't So!

They can't leave my Log Cabin alone?!?! It's SUPPOSED to be high fructose corn syrup! If I'm going to have organ failure, I want it to be because of my pancake syrup.

Time to Cram

In my entire life I don't think I ever once studied for a test more than a day or two in advance. And that's if I even studied at all. It's partly because I'm lazy and a world class procrastinator. And it's partly because I always did well enough on the tests anyway. (I'm one of those annoying pricks that never had to try very hard on your run-of-the-mill traditional school tests.) Anyway, when it came to studying (or homework, or projects, or reports) you could pretty much bank on the fact that if there was any work to be done, yours truly was doing it, at the earliest, during an all night cram session. Or, at the latest, right before the bell rang for class. ("Please put your books away. Now. James. JAMES.")

Well, old habits are hard to break. Except now I don't take tests in school. Now I have doctor and dentist visits for which I can procrastinate. That's right, I cram for my physical exams. For example, in two weeks my doctor will be drawing blood for a routine checkup. She'll check my cholesterol (and whatever else doctors check) as part of a general health assessment. And to prepare, I'll spend the next two weeks on a rabid health kick to try and beat the system. Yes, I'm trying to fake my health. Rather than leading a moderately healthy lifestyle, I'll cram and try to fool my doctor. I'll run. I'll eat fruits and vegetables like mad. I'll get more sleep. Sad, isn't it? It's like, if I can at least whip myself into shape in two weeks, then in my mind that means I'm at least healthy enough. If I were sane, I'd want an accurate assessment of my health. Instead, I just want to get an "A" so I can falsely justify bacon cheeseburgers for the next twelve months. Am I the only idiot that thinks like this?

(You should see how much floss I go through the week before a cleaning.)

Photo: Apple by ChiareZZa via deviantART