Resolutish

And without further delay... my 2010 Plan for World Domination.

1. Use protection.


2. Stop drinking soda. Unless there is rum or ice cream in it. Or both.


3. Only use that toilet paper with lotion in it. My ass deserves only the best.


4. Become literate again -- finish at least twelve books. Harold and the Purple Crayon and such do not count.


5. At any given time, limit the DVR to recording no more than eight shows that I will never, ever, ever watch.


6. Only eat bacon on odd days or days that are divisible by two.


7. Find out what it's like to go to bed before midnight.


8. Redesign this ugly ass standard blog template.


9. Create the sweetest iPhone app ever and sell it on iTunes and make billions of dollars and buy the Chicago Bears and fire everyone from Jerry Angelo on down.


10. Find one redeeming quality about Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt. There's got to be something.


11. Face the fact that McDonald's is not a healthy lunch just because I got the Apple Dippers.


12. Find out what it's like to eat a vegetable more than once in one day.


13. Go un-bald.


14. Beat Julie at something. Ideally soccer, but anything will do.


15. Build something that can actually be used/displayed somewhere in the house besides a dark corner of our unfinished basement.


16. Potty train the twins. Or teach them to change their own diapers. (And Darwin's diaper while they're at it.)


17. Finish painting that friggin' Sponge Bob project that I started for Jameson ages ago.


18. Either get in shape or get my own mini-series on the Discovery Health channel. No more of this spare tire purgatory. Shit or get off the pot, so to speak.


19. Appreciate my wife and kids at least enough that when I'm ninety and I wander out of the house and get lost that they'll come looking for me in a matter of hours, not a matter of days or weeks.


20. Use protection.

I Was Spending WHAT on Gas?!?!

[via Gizmodo]

Just another reason to love the iPhone.