Half Ton Transforming Piece of Etsy Crap

I like to build crap. The emphasis there being "crap." Whenever I get the urge to build something, I can always count on my cousin Curt to help me because he is an enthusiastic crapbuilder, too. This past December we teamed up for one particularly ambitious crapbuilding session. The family Christmas was going to be at my house and we were a little short on seating, so I called up Curt to see if he wanted to help me build some furniture. Of course he wanted in on this action. It wasn't meant to be fancy or anything -- we just needed some additional butt space for the basement where some guys would be drinking beer and watching sports.

And thus, the Half Ton Couch Bed project was born.

Since we had no furniture building experience, no idea what we were doing and no fear, we decided to build a couch that would also unfold into a queen size bed. It took a couple of late nights to complete, but eventually we ended up with a lopsided, oversized mass of hinged 2x4s and plywood.



The end result was an abomination of furniture design and construction. But it was big. And solid. And could hold the weight of several asses.

And there was no effing way this thing was coming with me when we moved.

So a couple months ago, Curt officially inherited this monstrosity that had been collecting dust in my basement after being sat on once. Curt didn't really want it other than for possible scrap wood, so that meant there was only one thing left to do.

List this piece of crap on Etsy.



Never heard of Etsy? It's like eBay for handmade crap. Etsy merchandise is made up of about 10% handmade crunchy crap, 10% handmade baby crap, 10% high quality artisan crap and 70% total crap. Some of the crap is so crappy that there is a website dedicated to highlighting the worst of the worst crap. See Regretsy for a serious laugh. I mean it. It's unbelievable. As their tagline says, it's "Where DIY Meets WTF."

So anyway, the Half Ton Couch Bed is now for sale for $500 plus $250 shipping and handling. Hurry, if you're interested in owning this fine piece of craftsmanship. I'm sure it's going to go fast. And by "go", I mean up in flames. And by "fast," I mean doused in gasoline.

Can't Stand the Heat

My cousin Curt's fajita salad was too spicy for him. His solution: Drench it in ketchup.

I like ketchup and all, but... as salad dressing??? No thanks.

Grandma's House

We went back over to Grandma and Grandpa's house for a cookout Sunday. The weather was nice, though a touch on the cool side. The kids had fun as usual. I guess it was an unofficial going away party for my sister, Emily, who is leaving for camp in a little over a week. I'm not exactly sure why, but while we were there Jameson got to plant a small garden in the back yard. And again I'm not exactly sure why, but Jameson surrounded said garden with sticks shoved into the soil. Lots of sticks. Maybe it's to keep the rabbits out? In person it looks like some sort of ceremonial burial ground. I snapped a few photos (shocking, I know).

This little two foot by four foot garden probably has enough seeds in it to cover a quarter acre.
Notice the stick "fence."
Less than an hour later Jameson wanted to "check on the seeds."

Curt climbing a tree while his number one fan watches.

Which of course leads to his number one fan climbing a tree.

The random spider that was greeting us at the garage door when we returned tonight.
Very cool markings on his back.
I wish I'd gotten a better shot.

The Economy Sucks

And, as we found out, when the economy sucks, the Dayton Auto Show sucks. This year's event was pretty much like walking through a dealer lot. There were few, if any, concept, custom or exotic cars. It's been awhile since I've attended one of these shows, so maybe this is now the norm.

(By the way, I'm oh so close to getting caught up on posting pictures.)

Kip, Jameson and Curt.

Apparently cargo space is the most important spec for Jameson. He wanted to check out the rear of every vehicle we examined.

"Hey, I fit in this one, too!"

I'm not much of an American muscle guy, but I do love the new Camaro. Maybe it's because the first car I legally drove was a Camaro. Or because I can't look at it and not picture it transforming into a badass thirty foot tall robot.

Them's some big wheels.

What car show would be complete without a rock climbing wall?

Kip explaining to Curt the, um, size requirements for driving a Corvette.

Road Trip

Mom is headed off to a wedding shower today, so Dad is packing up the kiddos (and enlisting the help of Uncle Kip and Cousin Curt) and heading down to Cincinnati to check out the new dinosaur exhibit at the Museum Center at Union Terminal. They have a dozen or so life size animatronic dinosaurs on exhibit. It should be pretty nerdtastic. There's also the chance that it will be terrifying for the kids and will psychologically scar them for life. Let's hope for the best.

I think the person who should be most worried, though, is Curt. Curt is one of our favorite cousins and we often invite him over to play. He is single and childless (that we know of) but lately his visits have forced him to dive into childcare waters.

On a visit a few weeks ago Curt came over to help move some furniture and he was unexpectedly thrust into parent life. Jameson had to go "number two" and insisted that Curt was the only person that could clean him up. I'm sure Curt felt honored that Jameson thinks so highly of him. As Curt put it, "I came here to move furniture and I end up wiping someone's ass." Thanks for being such a good sport, Curt.

A few weeks later Curt was over to watch our friend Candace on the premier of Survivor. Julie was at karate practice so it was Curt and I with the kids. Just as the opening credits began, Amelia projectile vomited about a gallon of noxious liquid. I scooped up Amelia and ran her up to the bathtub and Curt graciously cleaned up the barf. Again, not on the list of things Curt planned to do that day. Thank goodness for DVR technology.

So, thank you, again, Curt. If you know him and his anti-germ lifestyle you'll understand what a big deal this is. My hats off to you. Even if it hasn't been by choice, you have become quite capable at handling the three and under crowd.

Now the question is, what form of disgusting mess will Curt be intimately involved with today? Answer in the survey to the right.