- Use protection. - Um, OK. I mean who can really say what is and isn't protection, anyway, right? Darwin's still the baby of the family, so let's just leave it at that.
- Stop drinking soda. Unless there is rum or ice cream in it. Or both. - Didn't give it up entirely, but cut back drastically. Really only have it when I need a pick me up and I don't have a Red Bull handy. Cuba Libre is still the over-the-bar medication of choice.
- Only use that toilet paper with lotion in it. My ass deserves only the best. - Kept a roll of the good stuff with me at all times. Had to use the sandpaper variety that one time. My ass and I agreed never to talk about that day again.
- Become literate again -- finish at least twelve books. Harold and the Purple Crayon and such do not count. - Epic fail. I haven't even finished one book. Unless you count The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane. It's not that I haven't read at all, but I started with The First Tycoon: The Epic Life of Cornelius Vanderbilt. It's a good book, but not exactly a page turner. And 736 is a lot of pages. Le sigh.
- At any given time, limit the DVR to recording no more than eight shows that I will never, ever, ever watch. - This was easy. We moved in with my wife's parents and I never even hooked up the DVR. Success by default!
- Only eat bacon on odd days or days that are divisible by two. - I ate loads of bacon while still falling short. My doctor rejoices at my failure on this one.
- Find out what it's like to go to bed before midnight. - Meh. I tried it. Life is boring when you don't need a Red Bull by 10:00 AM
- Redesign this ugly ass standard blog template. - Done and done.
- Create the sweetest iPhone app ever and sell it on iTunes and make billions of dollars and buy the Chicago Bears and fire everyone from Jerry Angelo on down. - Well, the Bears are having a good season. This no longer seemed prudent.
- Find one redeeming quality about Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt. There's got to be something. - Fail, but totally not my fault.
- Face the fact that McDonald's is not a healthy lunch just because I got the Apple Dippers. - I faced the fact. But I still don't care.
- Find out what it's like to eat a vegetable more than once in one day. - I'll tell you what it's like. It's like SUCK.
- Go un-bald. - Efforting. Efforting. Efforting.
- Beat Julie at something. Ideally soccer, but anything will do. - I totally pwned Julie this year. You KNOW it.
- Build something that can actually be used/displayed somewhere in the house besides a dark corner of our unfinished basement. - Nope. But there's still time.
- Potty train the twins. Or teach them to change their own diapers. (And Darwin's diaper while they're at it.) - Amelia: check. Truman? Close. I mean, I wouldn't let him sleep on your new leather sofa or anything, but that could be said about some of my college buddies, too...
- Finish painting that friggin' Sponge Bob project that I started for Jameson ages ago. - Done. Like really, I did this one.
- Either get in shape or get my own mini-series on the Discovery Health channel. No more of this spare tire purgatory. Shit or get off the pot, so to speak. - I'm 12 pounds lighter than when I started. I still have a spare tire, but it's more like the space saver variety rather than a full size spare.
- Appreciate my wife and kids at least enough so that when I'm ninety and I wander out of the house and get lost that they'll come looking for me in a matter of hours, not a matter of days or weeks. - You'll have to ask them.
- Use protection. - No announcements. Yet.
Dec 5, 2010
Failure Is the Best Teacher
It's December. Time to check in and see how the ol' New Year's Resolutions are coming along. Isn't it a little late in the game to check my progress? Why yes it is. I have no idea what I even resolved. Well, let's take a look...