May 22, 2010

Half Ton Transforming Piece of Etsy Crap

I like to build crap. The emphasis there being "crap." Whenever I get the urge to build something, I can always count on my cousin Curt to help me because he is an enthusiastic crapbuilder, too. This past December we teamed up for one particularly ambitious crapbuilding session. The family Christmas was going to be at my house and we were a little short on seating, so I called up Curt to see if he wanted to help me build some furniture. Of course he wanted in on this action. It wasn't meant to be fancy or anything -- we just needed some additional butt space for the basement where some guys would be drinking beer and watching sports.

And thus, the Half Ton Couch Bed project was born.

Since we had no furniture building experience, no idea what we were doing and no fear, we decided to build a couch that would also unfold into a queen size bed. It took a couple of late nights to complete, but eventually we ended up with a lopsided, oversized mass of hinged 2x4s and plywood.

The end result was an abomination of furniture design and construction. But it was big. And solid. And could hold the weight of several asses.

And there was no effing way this thing was coming with me when we moved.

So a couple months ago, Curt officially inherited this monstrosity that had been collecting dust in my basement after being sat on once. Curt didn't really want it other than for possible scrap wood, so that meant there was only one thing left to do.

List this piece of crap on Etsy.

Never heard of Etsy? It's like eBay for handmade crap. Etsy merchandise is made up of about 10% handmade crunchy crap, 10% handmade baby crap, 10% high quality artisan crap and 70% total crap. Some of the crap is so crappy that there is a website dedicated to highlighting the worst of the worst crap. See Regretsy for a serious laugh. I mean it. It's unbelievable. As their tagline says, it's "Where DIY Meets WTF."

So anyway, the Half Ton Couch Bed is now for sale for $500 plus $250 shipping and handling. Hurry, if you're interested in owning this fine piece of craftsmanship. I'm sure it's going to go fast. And by "go", I mean up in flames. And by "fast," I mean doused in gasoline.


kimba said...

.. you could be waiting a while to shift that thing on etsy..

[btw, the regretsy link is priceless.. if only I could be sure that the mole purse would make it through customs here.. *sigh*]

kimba said...

.. and I don't think you and curt should be allowed in the same room with a toolbox ever again..

Anonymous said...

Dude, this is the most awesome thing I've ever built! It will outlast us all. I will keep it and love it and cherish it forever.

- Curt

P.S. Price reduced for quick sale.

Caroline said...

Just out of curiosity, in addition to the multiple days of work, how much did you spend on wood versus, say... spending $89 on a futon, the fast-food of the couch world (

Now I realize my example doesn't have the stylin' built-in end tables, but still... you and Julie had boxes.

Having picked Curt up at your house multiple times during "the build", I just felt the need to ask.


Caroline said...

P.S. I'd like to point out that the only girl gamely going along with the basement crowd was one still in the courtship phase.

Those of us already comfortably permanently hitched to members of the extended Murphy Clan were wisely (and comfortably) on real, professionally-built furniture upstairs.

James said...

But could a futon support the weight of a small rhinoceros?

And yes, Corey is still paying her dues.