Jan 19, 2010

Resolutish

And without further delay... my 2010 Plan for World Domination.
  1. Use protection.

  2. Stop drinking soda. Unless there is rum or ice cream in it. Or both.

  3. Only use that toilet paper with lotion in it. My ass deserves only the best.

  4. Become literate again -- finish at least twelve books. Harold and the Purple Crayon and such do not count.

  5. At any given time, limit the DVR to recording no more than eight shows that I will never, ever, ever watch.

  6. Only eat bacon on odd days or days that are divisible by two.

  7. Find out what it's like to go to bed before midnight.

  8. Redesign this ugly ass standard blog template.

  9. Create the sweetest iPhone app ever and sell it on iTunes and make billions of dollars and buy the Chicago Bears and fire everyone from Jerry Angelo on down.

  10. Find one redeeming quality about Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt. There's got to be something.

  11. Face the fact that McDonald's is not a healthy lunch just because I got the Apple Dippers.

  12. Find out what it's like to eat a vegetable more than once in one day.

  13. Go un-bald.

  14. Beat Julie at something. Ideally soccer, but anything will do.

  15. Build something that can actually be used/displayed somewhere in the house besides a dark corner of our unfinished basement.

  16. Potty train the twins. Or teach them to change their own diapers. (And Darwin's diaper while they're at it.)

  17. Finish painting that friggin' Sponge Bob project that I started for Jameson ages ago.

  18. Either get in shape or get my own mini-series on the Discovery Health channel. No more of this spare tire purgatory. Shit or get off the pot, so to speak.

  19. Appreciate my wife and kids at least enough that when I'm ninety and I wander out of the house and get lost that they'll come looking for me in a matter of hours, not a matter of days or weeks.

  20. Use protection.

11 comments:

Rebecca said...

Good luck with #10...never gonna happen. #1 and #20? Crucial!

Trike said...

All right, let's do this!

1. V-snip.
2. I've stopped. Then started. Then stopped. Then the store had a sale....
3. I used to, but I'm putting up with slight chafing because of the septic tank.
4. I gave you a book for Xmas that's awesome. Is this why the equally awesome book you gave me had no words in it?
5. Or buy that DVR with the really ginormous HD.
6. Now I'm hungry.
7. I'm trying to get to bed before 4 am.
8. There is purity in simplicity.
9. I get a cut, right? 'Cause I gots me more ideas on that thing.
10. Who and who? Googling... um, who and who?
11. But the meals are happy!
12. Only if pie is a vegetable.
13. Good idea. Hollywood tells me bald = evil.
14. How about writing your names in the snow? I think you know what I'm trying to say.
15. Step 1: stop involving Curt.
16. Get Jameson to do it while they're still susceptible to sibling peer pressure.
17. Before he outgrows it, you mean?
18. Use lotioned TP!
19. You know they're just going to leash you to the bed, right?
20. Tube ties.

Chatter said...

Laughing at your list and Doug's comment. Good luck with the list. I can relate to most of them. Since I don't make New year's resolutions I'll just use yours.
CHandra

my name is Amanda said...

All noble endeavors!

(Except that thing about Speidi.)

Re: #2 - It's not called "soda," unless it DOES have ice cream in it. Also, I find that it's easier to just drink a lot less pop, than to give it up altogether. I think I probably drink a pop once a week, if that. (I do this by not buying it at the grocery store, EVER.)

Anonymous said...

Great list James. I really liked Doug's advice on #15. Seems simple enough:) Good luck!


Keel

Urchin said...

"Harold and the Purple Crayon" is quite loved by Caden (which is evident from a glance at it's poor condition.) But I know what you mean, I have a pile of books I'm going to read just as soon as I get caught up on things....

On another note, I find it a somewhat reassuring to find another family member has unfinished projects lying about.

Caroline said...

Re: "one redeeming quality about Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt"... how about "they don't live in your house."

No?

OK, how about "they aren't Jon & Kate Gosselin"?

:-)

Trent said...

Good Luck, I don't need resolutions. However I feel sympathetic toward your baldness so I was thinking maybe some hair cream.

Anonymous said...

That was very entertaining, post and comments. Good luck, the soda one is tough.

Kelsey

Jay Ferris said...

As far as #1 goes, you can't go wrong with a shotgun.

James said...

After not receiving any books for Christmas, ever, I received several this year. It was a sign. I'm reading "The First Tycoon" right now and then it's your book Doug. I guess my days of picture books are over.

I had always used the word "pop" but then somewhere in college "soda" entered my vocab. Not sure why, but I guess it was the influx of friends from outside the midwest. I use the words interchangeably now. Giving up the actual drink shouldn't be too tough, though. I never crave the stuff.

And thank the high heavens that Speidi doesn't live with me. And Jon and Kate could have easily taken their spot on my list.