Nov 6, 2009

I'm Sick of Shit

I'm sick of shit. Cleaning it, that is. I won't go into the details, but Truman and Amelia have removed their poopy diapers while in their cribs on no less than six different occasions in the last week. I'm tired of it. I have no idea what compels them. Jameson did not prepare me for this aspect of parenthood. It's ridiculous.

So I'm doing what any good father would do. I'm prostituting the twins. I've entered them in the Mulitples and More photo contest with the hopes of winning some baby swag. The prizes are mostly things for which I have no use, but I'll be damned if these crib-pooping twins don't owe me something. They need to prove their worth. They have no idea how close to sleeping in the bathtub their feces smearing ways have gotten them. This is their chance to redeem themselves.

Now this is where you come in. You need to vote for them. It won't be easy -- the competition is stiff. Even those smug little Donovan Quads are entered. I bet they think they've got this contest wrapped up with their oh so cute Goldilocks and the Three Bears ensemble. Hmmph. We'll see about that Nater, Miss Mimi, Evan and Nolan! I hope you brought your "A" game!

So get out there and vote. I want free stuff. And I want to be able to tell people that their kids are ugly compared to mine. I deserve it at least as much as Truman and Amelia deserve pajamas made out of trash bags and duct tape.

To vote, send an email to and tell them you think ENTRY #53 has the cutest damned crib-pooping multiples you've ever seen. ONE VOTE per email address. Votes will be accepted until 8 pm EST, Sunday, November 8th. The top 40 will be announced on Monday.



Charity Donovan said...

Oh SHIT (pardon the pun!) -- IT'S ON!!!! lol! Crack me up!!!

BTW...I have 2 precious words for you to save you from future pooptastrophies...DUCT TAPE!!!! Duct tape the shit out of those diapers or the zipper of the pj's before nap/bed!! I learned this little gem from Gen works wonders!!! Damn multiples & their poop obsession...what's with that?!?!?! You are a man...I'm sure you can work up a mean duct tape pooptastrophie prevention system & then market it on ebay (just remember us SMUG Donovan's when you are RICH!!! lol!)

Caroline said...

What the hell did the photographer of the #49 twins hold up to terrify them so??

Anonymous said...

Could you give me the number for the donovans..?

What for?

Ohhh.. umm.. no reason..

Anonymous said...

Here is a tip for preventing the removal of diapers in cribs....put them in PJ's backwards. They shouldn't be able to unzip themselves if the zipper is the back. A friend used this trick. Also duct tape works well. Been there done that.

Angie Petrovic

James said...

Charity - I'm really breaking out the duct tape. I'll take pictures.

Trike - No fair! They've got numbers!

Caroline - Must have been a wolf.

sulky - Um, #179.

Angie - That is brilliant. And I think you gave me that suggestion the one other time Truman did it and I totally forgot.

Chatter said...

Thank goodness we have not encourted the finger poop painting yet. Disqusting. I hope we can avoid this one hurdle in parenting. However, I don't see us getting that lucky. Good luck with the contest and winning more baby stuff you don't need :)

Jim said...

#58 Lil Jon & Lil Wayne are going to be hard to beat