I'm sick of shit. Cleaning it, that is. I won't go into the details, but Truman and Amelia have removed their poopy diapers while in their cribs on no less than six different occasions in the last week. I'm tired of it. I have no idea what compels them. Jameson did not prepare me for this aspect of parenthood. It's ridiculous.
So I'm doing what any good father would do. I'm prostituting the twins. I've entered them in the Mulitples and More photo contest with the hopes of winning some baby swag. The prizes are mostly things for which I have no use, but I'll be damned if these crib-pooping twins don't owe me something. They need to prove their worth. They have no idea how close to sleeping in the bathtub their feces smearing ways have gotten them. This is their chance to redeem themselves.
Now this is where you come in. You need to vote for them. It won't be easy -- the competition is stiff. Even those smug little Donovan Quads are entered. I bet they think they've got this contest wrapped up with their oh so cute Goldilocks and the Three Bears ensemble. Hmmph. We'll see about that Nater, Miss Mimi, Evan and Nolan! I hope you brought your "A" game!
So get out there and vote. I want free stuff. And I want to be able to tell people that their kids are ugly compared to mine. I deserve it at least as much as Truman and Amelia deserve pajamas made out of trash bags and duct tape.
To vote, send an email to firstname.lastname@example.org and tell them you think ENTRY #53 has the cutest damned crib-pooping multiples you've ever seen. ONE VOTE per email address. Votes will be accepted until 8 pm EST, Sunday, November 8th. The top 40 will be announced on Monday.