Nov 3, 2009

Howling at the Moon

What is with the Twilight madness that seems to have infected every female between the ages of 12 and 79? I thought for sure it would have died down by now, but it's still getting worse. Forget H1N1, this country needs to focus its resources on finding a vaccine for this brain altering disease. (If you're a Cougar, you're in the high risk category, so you'll get first priority.)

Did people actually see the first film? I rented it and attempted to keep an open mind, but it was one of the worst movies I've ever seen. What's with the Robert Pattinson hype? He seems only so-so good looking and I'm guessing he needs help to open peanut butter jars. If spindly and wiry are so damn hot, I should have been seeing a lot more action my freshman year in high school. (Disclosure: Any action my freshman year in high school would technically be "a lot more.")

And this Taylor Lautner guy? Isn't he like 13 years old? The things the Cougars want to do to him... yikes. If 45 year old men had been saying these things about Winnie Cooper Miley Cyrus, for example, people would be in an uproar. Double standard?

If you haven't seen the first teen angst fest known as Twilight, I've put together a recap that will get you up to speed. Now you can walk into New Moon fully prepared without actually subjecting yourself to the first movie.

12 comments:

Cheryle said...

Although I fall somewhere within that broad age spectrum, I have managed not only to ignore the books, I am going to ignore the movies as well!

Yay! for me!

Chatter said...

I chose to embrace the books and loved every minute of them. It's a fun, quick read and Edward adores and loves Bella the way every woman would want to be adored. What's not to love? As for the movies, I can't comment b/c I haven't watched any of them. Some of my sisters gave it poor reviews so I passed on it. Not sure on the second one...

And just once more I will add that Edward is WONDERFUL!

sparsely kate said...

I think you do make some valid observations!! and I would call myself a Twilight fan (cougar - oh that is such a predatory word!!)

I watched Twilight again on DVD and yeah, some parts seem awkward and a bit giggle worthy, but hey! they are all young and cute and the story line is awesome. Guys just don't 'get' what we see in those young boys :))

Charity Donovan said...

I have to admit I read the entire series...junk food for the brain is a must at times. I do have to agree...the first movie was unbearable. Having said that, I still think I'll drag Steve to see it...if nothing else, to pay him back nice & proper for that garbage you all call the "hockey season!" FOR THE RECORD...I've always been a fan of the "spindly & wiry" - have you seen the guy I married?!?!?! And the bonus...HE CAN OPEN A MEAN JAR OF PEANUT BUTTER! lol!

Trike said...

The recap was too long. Stopped halfway through.

James said...

I haven't read the books so I guess I can't judge them.

Charity - Steve isn't wiry, he's lean. And he builds stuff, so he has 1000 times the credibility of Robert.

Trike - Way too long. Should have been under a minute, but I'm too lazy to take more than one stab.

Anonymous said...

I held out for a long time. Then one day last summer I was at Kelsey's place, picked up the first book....then proceeded to read the entire series w/in a few days. It was very engrossing and entertaining.

Keel

Jim said...

Hater

Trike said...

It just proves how dull that story is, when even a recap makes you sleepy.

The popularity of those books proves to me once again that women like drama. How many arguments get started in your life because of women? For me it's a good 90%. The rest are Curt's fault, and he's like a woman, so it's actually 100%.

my name is Amanda said...

HAHA! Love the recap. I've read several humorous recaps of the series elsewhere on the web as well - it's just so easy to ridicule a story that takes itself so seriously.

The Twilight books are literary heroin. I love 'em, but not because it's good literature. Oh, and it's okay to crush on Robert Pattinson b/c be was already in his 20s when they made that film!

I plan on making Marty take me to the "New Moon" film when it comes out by only using the words "vampires" and "werewolves" in the description.

Pity said...

loved the books, love edward and robert pattinson for that matter. the movie was not so good, but i'll still probably go see new moon

Alexis said...

I too boarded the Twilight wagon when it appeared everyone I knew was reading them and loving them. I will just say that I continued to read hoping that there was something to love about them. The last book however was AWFUL. AWFUL. The movie wasn't good but it was better than I thought it would be and hey we're paying for Netflix anyways.

But I just don't get it either James. Other than a sure sign of the apocalypse.