Aug 17, 2009

Tick Tock Tick Tock

There is still time to guess the baby birthdate, weight and sex. But not much time. We're in the home stretch now. Julie is having contractions nearly every day now. She's tired most of the time but gets sudden bursts of energy to complete tasks like reorganizing all the children's clothing in the house (i.e. nesting). The nausea that has been absent since the first trimester has subtly returned. She claims that the baby has moved from crowding her lungs to crowding her bladder. This party could get started any day now.

Here's where the betting has trended as of this morning:

Birthdate: 9/3/09
Sex: Female (by a ratio of 5 to 3)
Weight: 7 lbs. 4 oz.

Some of you have asked what's in it for the person who wins the guessing game. I thought long and hard and I've come up with a pretty stellar selection of prizes from which the winner can choose:

Prize #1: Baby Name. That's right. I'll let you name the baby. (I still need to run this one by Julie, but I'm sure she'll be cool with it.)

Prize #2: Baby Diaper. You can have the first one (of thousands) that I'll be changing. For those of you not in the know, the first one will not be filled with poo, but rather with meconium. Some people believe this mythical substance can grant magical powers like invisibility or the ability to fly. (Not sure if you have to rub it on your face or eat it or what. You'll have to let me know how that works out.)

Prize #3: All Inclusive Two-Week Vacation. Vacation to my house that is. And all inclusive as in changing diapers and feeding babies that is. What?! That's not a prize?! Like hell it isn't. Just think how much more you'll appreciate your tranquil life after you've spent two weeks at ground zero. Money can't buy that kind of zen-like like enlightment.

Prize #4: Stuffed Rabbit. This is no ordinary stuffed bunny. This thing is four feet tall, weighs thirty pounds and has spent the last two years in a musty, unfinished basement. Ol' "Fluffy" has been gifted and re-gifted so many times that this is actually the third separate occasion that it has been in my possession. What does this have to do with the baby? Nothing, really. I just want the damned thing out of my house. If you choose this prize option, you pay shipping and handling, but the asthma inducing mold and any stray spiders are included at no extra cost.

Prize #5: My Beard. The beard is coming off once the baby is born, so what better way to celebrate your victorious prognostication than with my actual beard. It will be packaged in a genuine Ziploc storage bag and would look lovely mounted above your mantle next to your deer rack and large mouth bass.

Contest open to all legal U.S. residents (including Obama). Limit one entry per person. Not valid with any other coupons or offers. Prizes subject to change without notification. All decisions are final.




Click on this image above or the one to the right to guess the baby's birthdate, weight and sex. The "winner" will be the person with the closest guess to the actual birthdate and with the correct sex. Closest birthweight breaks any ties.

7 comments:

Trike said...

I was hoping Julie would make it all the way to the 9th, but I wish the best of luck to people with earlier dates than I chose, because those prizes look awesome!

I know Curt wants #5, bad. It will go well with his collection of his own hair.

Also, I changed your diapers. How weird is that?

Caroline said...

Well... of course I was waiting to see the prizes before I decided whether to enter (you know, prizes you don't want are just a tax headache).

I was kind of hoping the prize would be the actual baby - then not only do you not have income tax increases, you actually get a deduction. You really need to think more about your target audience when you design your prize selection, James!

pity said...

i want the giant rabbit so i can place it in the passenger seat of my car

Charity Donovan said...

hmmmmm....those are rather enticing!!! Julie - best of luck momma!!! You are in the HOME STRETCH!!! So exciting! I cannot wait to meet the new peanut in the blogosphere!

James said...

Doug - The weird part is that I was 23 when it happened.

Caroline - Maybe I could give away one of the other kids as the prize. Maybe things aren't working out with one of them and this would be a good way to unload that one. Hmmm...

Pity - The rabbit is yours. Seriously. Christmas 2009... you won't even need to guess what's under the wrapping paper.

Charity - The baby wants out. Julie wants the baby out. You'd think they'd have coordinated something by now.

Casey said...

Hilarious prizes. :)

Trike said...

You were pretty drunk. I can only hope you return the favor when I'm old and gray.

Charity, did you really use the word stretch? That's just not right.